#sweet & #cute animal fambly. #bear #puppy #owl #cat #piglet #animals ! (Taken with Instagram)
Taken with Instagram
Taken with Instagram
Lost Cause
Today, three policeman came to my house. They were called by my father on word of domestic violence. In reality, my dad has been abusive towards me for years, only he always gets to the phone before me to make me out as the devil. What I found out today was cops are even shittier here than I thought. I ask does it matter that he hits me? “No, it doesn’t.” Even if it leaves a red raised handprint on my face? “No, that’s discipline.” I am 25 years old. I’ve been hit, kicked, punched, slapped, thrown into walls, had teeth loosened.. but it’s always my fault and it’s always acceptable discipline. A year after he forced me into an mental evaluation center and I was officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, he still doesn’t know what it is. He still calls it bipolar disorder, and the policeman also tried to convince me that’s what I had. Even with the thick stack of stapled papers explaining as much as anyone could about it, he can’t even remember the name. He doesn’t believe it to even exist. Upon telling the cops I dealt with this, I was asked “Do you take your medication?”.. There is no medication for BPD, I replied. Towards the end of the conversation, the particularly biggity officer decided to tell me I was acting like a child, to which I responded once again with the should-be obvious fact that I have borderline personality disorder… He looked dead at me and said that was “something people just make up off the top of their head, it isn’t even a real thing.” I was baffled. I turned to my boyfriend and I can’t imagine what my face read. I ended up stomping across the yard with a vibrant “Fuck you both, fucking faggots(!!!!)” I really can’t believe that just happened. The initial reason for the fight was my dad owes me $9,000 but he has successfully led the police to believe that I’ve miraculously spent all that even though it’s never been in possession. I can’t trust my parents, I can’t look to the police for help of any sort.. I went to the store and got three packages of razor blades. I don’t know where I’ll end up. I could just be asleep in bed later tonight, I could be in a mental hospital, or I could be in a morgue. I can’t bring myself to care. I’m tired of living this way, feeling so alone and misunderstood and having most everyone confirm those thoughts. I can’t stand the way I feel, like I’ll explode from being this way and not having any support other than my boyfriend. I feel helpless and hopeless and I must sound like any given depressed 14 year old anywhere. It is true, though.. true that I don’t trust anyone, that I feel alone, that I am disgusted by the way everyone seems to think. My dad thinks it’s okay to mistreat me and hit me, the police thinks it’s perfectly fine to “pop you in the mouth”, and no one understands or even tries to begin understanding the mental state I am in. I do not care to live in such a world.
braindeadmotherfuckers asked: borderline between neurosis and psychosis.
That sounds interesting enough. I am somewhat ashamed to be so in the dark on my own condition and am forever trying to gather more information to help me understand. Thank you.
Megan Fox, Marry Me Gently
I don’t much care for MF.. but Grayson is pretty cool and junk, like this song.
Hello.
My name is Amber Bielarski. I am 25 years old and living in the US. It’s been a year since I was officially diagnosed with BPD. Before that, it was anxiety, depression, OCD, bipolar disorder, “possibly schizophrenia”. Every other hour I think of death. Every other day I lust for it. The ‘black and white’ thinking and self-doubt corrode me from within. Monday, I have exciting plans to save my world.. by Wednesday, I just want to crash it. I often wonder who I am. I have no question.. Hello is all.
(Source: borderlinescorpion)
(Source: bpdthings)
Stop diagnosing yourselves with mental illnesses and disorders
They’re not badges of honor, they’re not excuses for shitty behavior, and you cheapen what people who actually go through those things deal with.
Jesus fucking Christ.
"Youths are passed through schools that don’t teach, then forced to search for jobs that don’t exist and finally left stranded in the street to stare at the glamorous lives advertised around them."
Huey P Newton (via sensuaalneseduktsioon)
(via onelonelylittlepetunia)
tumblr occasionally makes me want to kill myself. It is the new fashion magazine, the mean popular girl in school, the voice that says “you aren’t, you can’t, and you never will.”
